Master.Zangetsu
Joined: 23 Aug 2009
Posts: 25
Location: Subverting the sacred guardiens of the warp gates
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 Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 10:57 am Post subject: Untitled, a fantasy tale |
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This is the beginings of my story, i havn't written much of it so far but after a few have replied and given opinions to this i will continue with the rest of the story.
hope you enjoy it
| Quote: | Prologue
A crisp white path untroubled by the steps of man ran from the inner cloister, with its numerous smooth marble domed roofs, to the endless circling wall holding the sanctuary within. Beyond the safety of the grand white wall, the path winds into and around the great city below from which the first and most eager students briskly made their way through the wiry gates. Following the slight indent in the snow, marking out the hidden slab pathway, they make their way towards the vast complex unwilling to disengage from personal chatter. As the students reach the large wooden doors and enter, many remove their outer clothes freeing themselves from the icy grasp of the snow. A faint glimmer can be seen for a second around the more experienced of the students as they allow their heat barrier to disperse, allowing the workings of the building to continue their warmth. With a gradual inclination, a disturbance falls upon the scene: students, their chatter, and the still falling snow, slows. Then, it stops. Whilst the colours drain from the surroundings around the great hall the chief mage, sitting in the middle of an elaborate open arena, eases his life force through the complicated markings on the floor.
A stiff broad face, healthy and tanned, lay base for a thick-buttoned nose, wide jaw set tight and closed eyes burdened with a slight frown. The mage concentrated on reaching out through the markings on the vast space. Not until the pale blue light, on the inner, and then the greater outer rings near the edges of the room did meet to form 2 circles, did he open his eyes. The tension left his face as he returned his attention to his physical surroundings. His eyelids withdrew, revealing deep blue eyes, holding you in his gaze, speaking of the wisdom and hardship faced by the warrior. The blue lines on the astral plane appeared on the physical realm showing the thin barrier rise up from the floor to create both an outer dome and an inner protection dome. The merging of this space with the astral realm, not something attempted often with a heavy heart. The blue light, colouring the magick barrier, grew slightly fainter as it climbed to the top to compete the dome, inches away from the towering ceiling. As they grew to meet at the top, the world around turned grey and the chattering of the arriving students slowed and finally stopped. The chief mage in the centre rose from his cross-legged position to reveal wide shoulders, carrying on them, his long slender neck and a hooded floor length black cloak tinted with ornate dark purple design twisting like ivy up and around his shoulders. Standing at full height the man pulled back his hood to let his waist length black ponytail snake down his back. With slow deliberation, he held his huge weathered hands wide open; stretching them comfortably out, he tilted his head back. A dark hoarse toned voice emerged from his lips, speaking the opening to the rite.
In turn, each of the guiding elements showed their presence to the mage chief marking the opening of the circle. Once again sitting, the figure claps to ignite a candle in each of the 4 corners before pulling forth a large bowl of clear water. Resting his hands on ether sides of the bowl, he concentrated on pushing his life force out 1 hand, through the water, and into the other. The active currant of his being through the element brought an uncommon smile to his huge face. Opening his eyes he glared into the water, the slow swirl within the bowl turned milks white, affected by the current of his energies. Slowly it began to show glimpses of time; people, actions. Looking deep into the bowl he searched for his quarry. |
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Lord Uther Di Asturien
Master of the Double Post Site Admin
Joined: 15 Jul 2006
Posts: 1049
Location: who knows?
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 12:22 am Post subject: |
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Looks quite good, not enough to give quite complete criticism however, I'll wait until the final product.
One thing though, you should probably format it better, it hurts ze eyes 
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| Ferretsnarf wrote: | | I dub thee "Lord_Uther_Di_Asturien: Master of the Double Post" |
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